Yo-Yo Nation

Among the top news of the day: Nestle (purveyors of chocolate syrup) has just bought Jenny Craig (purveyors of tasteless eating) for $600 million. This is genius, I say. Let me tell you why. First, they can help make people fat, then help them get thin and repeat the whole process over and over ad infinitum. People get fat: they make money. People get thin: they make money. Either way, they're in the black. Genius, indeed.

Having a Psychologist Mother

I'm currently reading Edmund White's "My Lives," a book that chronicles his experiences growing up gay in Middle America. It's a fascinating and extremely well-written book.

Anyway, in the first chapter White details how his mother, a child psychologist, would practice on him with Rorschach Inkblots. Please keep in mind that this child grew up to be an immensely successful author of countless books, some of them modern classics, and is currently a professor at Princeton. I quote from his book, "My mother was nearly gleeful when she told me I was a 'borderline psychotic' with 'strong schizophrenic tendencies.' Apparently the most telling sign of my insanity was my failure to see anything human in the inkblots. All I saw were jewels and headstones."

I don't know what's more disturbing in this passage: the fact that a child under ten was diagnosed as a nutcase for seeing jewels and headstones in black ink spots or the fact that his mother was "gleeful" about it.

All I can say is that I'm personally very glad that my mother is a reading teacher and not a child psychologist. *relieved sigh*

Violent Episodes

So, I was reading Instinct magazine (that's a gay magazine, folks, if any of you weren't aware...) and noticed a section on Trendspotting (their capitalization, not mine). Anyway, in the "Over It" section was a blurb on Rachael Ray of the Food Network. Though I love her, what I love more is what it had to say about her:

"Even more annoying than Emeril Lagasse, Food Network host and telecook Ray has the kind of absurdly wide smile, high cheekbones, and overly perky personality that turns a person violent."

So, the next time you run out and murder someone, you have an excuse. From the Food Network to Court TV: the Rachael Ray Defense.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: "So, tell me, what happened that night?"

THE ACCUSED: "Well, I was watching $40-a-Day and Rachael Ray said, "Yum-O" and I had the sudden overwhelming impulse to run out and murder someone."

JURY: "Not guilty!"

Yeah, well...

A lot of shit happened today. When the dust settles, I'll fill you all in but, for now, I'll just say one thing: Emeril annoys me. Discuss.

There's a First Time for Everything!

Yes, the rumors you've heard are true: despite my nagging reluctance, I have decided to join the ranks of the blogging masses. Just call me a lemming unable to resist the growing tide of migration that surges towards the cliff of the future. So, here we go:

On that wonderfully positive note, it's been a delightful day (note: as you see it in your mind, picturing it, that last sentence should be dripping with sarcasm). Darryl left for Boston and the Spamalot tour this morning. Been thinking about him all day and missing him like mad. It's not that its only been a couple hours, it's just that it's hard knowing he's gone, meaning he's not just a couple minutes and a kiss away anymore. Even harder knowing he's gone for good, meaning one to two years. Yet even harder knowing we're not together anymore. Yeah, long distance relationships suck, but so does breaking up. Especially breaking up when there's nothing wrong except the fact that you won't be in the same city. And one of the worst parts of it all is that I was so tired this morning that I didn't even wake up to savor the moment when he rolled over and put his arms around me for the last time, which is weird because I usually do. He had to tell me about it after I woke up. Gah! Oh, well, hopefully he'll be back on Sunday and Monday for a bit and then I'll see him in Boston when I fly up for Opening Night. And, by the way, have I mentioned that I miss Darryl? Especially now that it's getting closer to bedtime. I'm supposed to be with him by now. After all, since he came back from Wisconsin after Christmas, we haven't been apart for more than a couple hours. Yes, we were together pretty much 24/7 when he wasn't in rehearsal, but doesn't that just prove how good a couple we were? Sigh. I miss him. Okay, I'm redundant tonight but I'm allowed to be under the circumstances, thank you very much!

Worked on my taxes a bit today. Making progress and I'm up to April now, getting ready for my meeting with my accountant on Wednesday. I better be getting a BIG tax refund this year, that's all I'm saying.

And as I'm typing all this out, I'm wondering whether there actually are people who care about what the hell I did today and actually want to read about it? We shall see. People are funny sometimes. Some of them even eat brain cheese, so who knows?

Gym. Ran for a hour. Arms. Abs. Better look damn good for the cruise in two weeks, that's all I'm saying (and I'm apparently saying a lot tonight, too...hmm).

What the hell happened to Desperate Housewives, anyway? Saw the show tonight for the first time in months. It used to be so addictive and campy and fun. Now it's tedious and slow. And Marcia Cross and Felicity Huffman aren't the cat's spit anymore. They're still brilliant actresses but, with material like this, who even cares anymore? Lets hope they (meaning the show) can pull themselves out of this sophomore slump and return to the greatness of their first season or they're pretty much doomed.

Tired. Emotionally drained. Gonna sleep soon. Meeting my beloved Smerfie tomorrow night for an African dinner after more tax work and a hard workout at the gym. You know what? This aforementioned Smerfie is partially to blame for dragging me, kicking and screaming, into the blogging world since hers is one of the only two blogs I actually read online (or anywhere else, for that matter). Maybe someday, if you're all good and patient readers, I'll tell you what the other one is. It's dirty and all about cute gay boys! Hee hee. How's that for suspense, my dear readers?

Ta ta for now.

PS: Not a bad first post, eh?