Having a Psychologist Mother

I'm currently reading Edmund White's "My Lives," a book that chronicles his experiences growing up gay in Middle America. It's a fascinating and extremely well-written book.

Anyway, in the first chapter White details how his mother, a child psychologist, would practice on him with Rorschach Inkblots. Please keep in mind that this child grew up to be an immensely successful author of countless books, some of them modern classics, and is currently a professor at Princeton. I quote from his book, "My mother was nearly gleeful when she told me I was a 'borderline psychotic' with 'strong schizophrenic tendencies.' Apparently the most telling sign of my insanity was my failure to see anything human in the inkblots. All I saw were jewels and headstones."

I don't know what's more disturbing in this passage: the fact that a child under ten was diagnosed as a nutcase for seeing jewels and headstones in black ink spots or the fact that his mother was "gleeful" about it.

All I can say is that I'm personally very glad that my mother is a reading teacher and not a child psychologist. *relieved sigh*

Violent Episodes

So, I was reading Instinct magazine (that's a gay magazine, folks, if any of you weren't aware...) and noticed a section on Trendspotting (their capitalization, not mine). Anyway, in the "Over It" section was a blurb on Rachael Ray of the Food Network. Though I love her, what I love more is what it had to say about her:

"Even more annoying than Emeril Lagasse, Food Network host and telecook Ray has the kind of absurdly wide smile, high cheekbones, and overly perky personality that turns a person violent."

So, the next time you run out and murder someone, you have an excuse. From the Food Network to Court TV: the Rachael Ray Defense.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: "So, tell me, what happened that night?"

THE ACCUSED: "Well, I was watching $40-a-Day and Rachael Ray said, "Yum-O" and I had the sudden overwhelming impulse to run out and murder someone."

JURY: "Not guilty!"